Star Freaks
by Keif83
Summary: Well... This is one of my scientific stories, which... happened to start out fine, but I goofed up in the middle. So, you could say, its more of humor than science. Its rating though, is because, ahh... well... it swears A LOT. And... I'll probably never


The Scientific Part  
  
The survivors made their way through the jungle, weaving and searching for food, water and wood for fire. They were carefree, not for once thinking and realizing that they were on a uncharted planet, one that most probably contained foreign life forms. Being oblivious to this fact, they were unaware of the fact that they were being watched. The survivors had but few thoughts in mind, feeling that they had been lucky to survive the crash, and happy to have made contact with the air force to send a rescue vehicle to the specified rendezvous coordinates.  
  
Because of this idiotic mind set, the survivors failed to notice, that after regrouping, more than a fourth of the group failed to show up.  
  
3 hours later, an air-force rescue vehicle landed in what was the remnants of the rendezvous point. Torn packs, parts of bloody and disemboweled humans lay everywhere. The buzz of some foreign species of flies lay over the dead people, along with a pungent smell of, what seemed like decay.  
  
What roused the attention of the air force however was that most of the bodies hadn't been eaten or devoured in anyway. The survivors had all just been killed in the most gruesome way of being killed. As if for fun.  
  
3 weeks later, Air-Force base Omegadon  
  
"Sir colonization of the alien planet has begun. We have satellites combing all surfaces of the planet for signs of groups of 10 or more on the planet's surface." "Damn it! 20 survivors were wiped out, not devoured on some alien planet and your giving me what the hell is going on? I know what the hell is going on, I want the damn results!" Wiping his brow, the Lieutenant continued, "It seems however, we have found this so called 'alien' race. There was no identification for this race, but it seems that they are well aware of what is going on around them. Biologically advanced, they have no means whatsoever of using electronics. The--" "So you're telling me they're Amish?" "No sir, I'm telling you that it'll take 2 troopers to take down 1 of them." "JESU--" "But, we have another arising problem." "Damn it, what next!?" "They seem to have different 'types' of... creatures for different purposes." "Your saying something like a biologically advanced civilization?" "Yes." "Holy shit. So your trying to tell me?" "They've taken down all our satellites, and our base as well, we believe. What attacked the survivors was most likely nothing more than a small scouting party." "Wait a sec there. You're saying that they took down the satellites?" "Yes." "And how THE HELL MAY I please know they did that." "We're assuming they don't need oxygen to survive." "Damn it, if they can go into space, they don't need anything to survive!" "Except food." "Yes, except for that." "But they also took down our base?" "We believe." "How?" "Base X no longer exists on radar. So it no longer exists in reality." "But it was equipped with some of the most powerful weaponry in the world!" "Sir, the cities that we have recorded have massive infrastructures and even more massive populations. We believe that about a fourth of the military could colonize the entire planet. That's more than 50 million troops. More than 2 times that has been recorded on one city alone. And sir, that city was one of the smallest in population." "Oh my god..." "We believe they can take out the entire human race in a matter of decades."  
  
Delta Depatchment 0600, 10 minutes later.  
  
"They want us to begin initial bombardment when?!" "At 0630 hours, sir." "Do they even have the command to make us do that?!" "No, but they have all authority granted." General McFlier sighed. Calming himself down, he closed his eyes and thought. He was angry. And now, a lesser command had the authority to force his detatchment out of training and into action just because they felt a threat to all mankind on some stupid 'alien' race. "Thank you, Roger. I'll take it from here. Shut down all training exams and relations to stop what they're doing and get ready for action. Oh yes, and tell the bridge I'll be beginning with them shortly." Roger saluted and smartly walked out of the General's quarters.  
  
Within half an hour, the entire Delta Depatchment regrouped and began the voyage.  
  
  
  
The Funny Part  
  
XXXX Ï?Ò~?ÏÏÂÚ?Ô!*()_^$(·°ÓÓ ??ÓÏ  
  
"Sire, we have detected a large depatchment of rogues distancing 500 Lesstents away." "How large is this depatchment?" "Amounting to one of our great fleets, sire. Shall we command an attack, sire?" "Do as you wish to the damned scum. However, remember to return within dinnertime. I don't want to be your damned mommy calling you when you have to eat." "Yes sire."  
  
13 minutes later  
  
"Damned. Where have the bloody rogues gone? I swear to the damned gods their energy signatures were being emitted from here! Oh well. I might as well take this piece of roguish clothing and tell the Sire this was all that remained. But first, to make it look all bloody and bad, so the Sire will know that someone died wearing it. Hey, could somemone toss me a flamethrower?"  
  
10 minutes later  
  
"Damn it. You tell me this is all you found?" "Yes." "Damn it, you know what this is?" "No." "It's a Wedgie!" "Sire, I thought the americans on that television broadcast said they were Haynes under-garments." "Damn it, wedgies are another name for them!" "Actually, no sire. Wedgies are when these under-garments get stuck up the americans' asses." "Ooooohh."  
  
Down on the alien planet  
  
"We are the XX people, the people that sing. We see what happens in this universe, We kill what we want in this universe, All before BEDTIME!"  
  
Back on the Omegadon  
  
"Damn it, who came up with the name Omegadon? What about War Machine, and The Destroyer, or, the Comfy Coffee Cafeteria?"  
  
Down on Base X of the alien planet  
  
"It sure was a good thing we brought snacks video games and a 3 million light year long extension cable, 'cause those stupid alien thingers are never gonna find this basement that's actually on the top of a tree!" 


End file.
